A week's worth

of blogging to be done in one blog.  I am just not up to date on this and by the end of the night, I am completely forgetting about it.

Its basically the same ol' same ol' around here.  A few decisions will be made by the end of this month/beginning of next month on exactly how the rest of our "stay" here in Texas is going to play out.  We have some accessing to do about both our situation and how things are going on around back home.  I know no mater what that it is going to be hard to leave again after only a week or two visit. 

I am just now getting over what seems to have been the flu for nearly two weeks.  I need to get myself back into my daily routine.  I haven't exercised, cleaned much, or done really a lot of anything since getting sick and I'm all out of sorts.  Hopefully this week I can really get back into things. Its obvious around the house that I just haven't been able to focus on much around here.  That ends now because it'll start to stress me out soon.  I don't need that.

I miss...

Those two words always seem to bring on little sentences from my 4 year old's mouth that chip away at my heart.  His innocence is beautiful and I love the little things he comes up with each day.  But it hurts knowing how much he misses even the smallest, minor things about life back in Vegas.  His routine of life was turned upside down.  And while a normal kid would have a hard time with that to start with, a high needs child just can't process that the same.  Its even more earth shattering, heart breaking, and worrisome for a high needs child.  Make it two, in our case.  Today was one of those days.  Granted, over something very minute and not earth shattering, but still something he misses nonetheless.  So I started making countdown pages for him to see how long until things like his birthday, holidays, and projected possible visits home.  Hopefully this helps him look forward to the things that are coming up and the time until we are back in Vegas.  I know it will help me, too.  I just cannot wait to give some good, long hugs.  I already get choked up thinking about how we'll only have a short amount of time of a visit and have to leave again.  I really wish we could travel back and forth more often.  It would be much more helpful to everyone all around.  But for now, at least we have something to look forward to - - a visit sometime before Christmas.

Weekend is gone

Or almost. We are about to start into our 25th week here in Dallas. Thus far a total of 175 days.  And it won't be a moment too soon for me until we are back in Vegas for visiting.  I just need the break and the time back there to recuperate a bit.  I hope it will help us to feel a bit better about this move.  I know - - almost six months and here we are still not dealing well with it at all.  Its hard to not feel like we sold out and made the wrong choice, just for a paycheck.  But in all essence of the situation, I guess that is what we did.  That stings a bit.  I am not even sure where we stand on any of this because its just a blur most days.  We just are in the motions and not doing much else from day to day, week to week.  We do try to get out and we've seen new things.  But the "newness" and novelty of it all has worn off long ago.  I feel a bit like we are stuck in a Twilight Zone episode, for lack of a better comparison.  Nothing changes here, every thing is stagnant.  The neighborhood even feels somewhat like its Zone worthy.  I know I am exaggerating.  There is a lot that would help make things easier to transition, but we don't know anyone and don't really have ways to "make friends" either.  Its not like we can just go out all the time, since once again there isn't anyone to watch the boys. But we do what we can to at least make this bearable.  Next weekend should be a lot of fun and a good distraction with Halloween.  I hope it can be a fun one for the boys this year, as well.  Let's hope.

What's your conspiracy?

Now I am not meaning really the hardcore, paranoid conspiracy theorists.  But doesn't everyone have something that the question in life, something that might seem "shady?" 

We have been watching the new show, Person of Interest.  And it raises a lot of questions about our post-911 country, maybe world.  But in a different light.  I keep thinking about how some paranoid people, or conspiracy theorists, might have a field day with this show.  But it also brings to the forefront some of the things, mostly from the past, that just make me go "Hmmm..."  There's always something that makes you wonder, isn't there?  Something that intrigues the parts of your brain to want to know more, learn more, educate yourself more.  Isn't that a part of being human, to question and to always be gaining more knowledge about the universe around you? 

So my question to you...What "conspiracy" is ringing the doorbell on your mind? Hmmm...

Miserably sick

...is exactly how I feel.  Its going on two and half days now, and I am not quite seeing the horizon on this yet. Its truly kicking my rear and I just wish I could find some relief.  Our youngest seems to be sick as well, which always breaks my heart when the kiddos are sick.  I hope that is just passes quickly and we can return to regular daily life.  Being sick always puts a halt on everything going on around here, from housework to just daily enjoyment. I can barely move without feeling horrible and miserable.  Rest as much as we can, and hopefully we will be on mend in no time.

Moments like these

I was singing to my kiddo tonight at bedtime when this song came on, and the tears flowed.  Its hits on the heartstrings for many reasons for me:

When I get where I'm going
on the far side of the sky.
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly.

I'm gonna land beside a lion,
and run my fingers through his mane.
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles,
I have carried all these years.
And I'll leave my heart wide open,
I will love and have no fear.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Don't cry for me down here.

I'm gonna walk with my granddaddy,
and he'll match me step for step,
and I'll tell him how I missed him,
every minute since he left.
Then I'll hug his neck.

So much pain and so much darkness,
in this world we stumble through.
All these questions, I can't answer,
so much work to do.

But when I get where I'm going,
and I see my Maker's face.
I'll stand forever in the light,
of His amazing grace.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Oh, when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
Hallelujah!
I will love and have no fear.
When I get where I'm going.
Yeah when I get where I'm going.

Scare

Last night/this morning (not quite sure of the hour), I was woken suddenly by an asthma attack.  And not a small one either.  It was intense and scared me a lot.  I was startled by not being able to breathe and then gasped and wheezed through it.  The part that made it so hard is that I don't wake up well when startled awake.  It takes me some time to come to a full consciousness and completely aware of the reality vs. dreaming.  And I was already in a dreaming sleep, so this made it an scary experience that I really hope I never experience like that again.  Any time I have an attack like that, I also go into panic mode (and vice versa) which causes an anxiety attack.  I am not sure which caused whichlast night, but by the end of it all I realized I had both.  The world closes in on me during both asthma and panic attacks, things go black sometimes and I feel disconnected.  Not something fun at any time of the day but sure as hell not in the middle of the night while asleep. I am hoping for a much better night and an easier sleep.

A day

And that's about all I can say about it. I just have been feeling off the past few days and today I woke up already exhausted.  I am apparently back to not sleeping so well. Its not the insomnia because I can fall asleep just fine, its just not good sleep. Hopefully I can get out of this and back on track soon.  Its hard when all you feel like you need is a full day of sleep, and yet you cannot do that due to obvious parental responsibilities.  I cannot wait to have my support system back.  It really does take a village, I guess.

On the unproductive front, we are caught up and getting caught up on our top two shows. Both shows have so much going on at once - - so dynamic and thought provoking.  They really suck you in.  I should be back into the Best Picture game here in a week or so once we are done with catching up.  Slumdog Millionaire is next on the list.  Again, not really too interest, but it has to be better than The Hurt Locker. Oh how I hope so.

It must be time to head to bed because I completely got distracted and almost didn't finish this. 2 minutes to spare...at least it made it in.

Honesty

Okay, so after four attempts at The Hurt Locker, I just couldn't do it.  I got about halfway through.  I just could not get through how slow it moved and really just not feeling the subject matter.  Other than the extreme realism, I am not sure why it won Best Picture from the Academy.  But then, it wasn't a great year for Best Picture nominees that year either. 

Good news - almost ALL but about 6 Best Picture winners are now available on Netflix.  Including Wings which is the very first winner that I was having a hard time finding. Yay.

I am taking a break from this project though at least for a week or so, as we are trying to catch up on FRINGE. We have six episodes left of season 2 before getting season 3 and then are only a couple episodes behind this season.  With watching 4 episodes a night, we should push through this quite well.  Its such an intriguing, well written show that makes you think while watching it.  I enjoy having to engage my brain while watching television shows and films, instead of the inactive monotony of vegging out.  This goes for all art forms really.

Another month

Yep its October and all that really means is we've been here that much longer than we would like. I never would have expected this move to have affected so many in the way it has, including ourselves.

Video chatted with the besties today. And saying bye tonight hit harder than ever for some reason. There were tears on both sides.  Tears now for that matter.  I have been homesick before, years ago.  But now this just hurts more as it is having an impact upon so many others that we care about.  We are at a point that we are near counting months, weeks, and days until we hope to move back.  We are grateful for what we have, for the help we have received here, but that is all just small aspects of the bigger picture. We are not happy and neither are our friends and family.  Hopefully the next few months fly by fast. I need to see my friends. I need to hug my mom. I need a little bit of home.