Long time...no type

It has been far too long since I have written here.

And all too much has happened to try and post at once, as well.

Things are currently going along well.  We are in our new home, the Kiddo is loving school (and doing exceptionally well...we just got a peek at his report card at parent teacher conferences), and our wild child three year old is well, that.

There are still issues with work situations, but I am hoping to be out of that soon.  Details to that all at a later time.

I am really hoping to get back into my 101 goals soon, as hopefully things are beginning to calm down for us now.

Texas really seems like a distant, fuzzy-though dream now.  And yet even just a year ago, we were still living there.  I don't miss much of it at all...if anything, really.  I know so many people who love it there, and more power to them.  I guess it just truly wasn't for us.  We are happier, the boys are happier, and all our family and friends prefer us closer, too.  Its been a rollercoaster ride and I'm glad to be on this end of it all.

Halloween is soon.  This is just the best time of year all around.  Soon we will be planning a SIX year old birthday party!  Wow.  And the yummiest time of year follows after that.  Its our "busy" season.  And really, I wouldn't have it any other way.  I'm glad to be spending this year at home, in our own place, with all the people that we love.  It's going to be a great ending to 2012, I can just feel it.

Tomorrow...

I will have a kindergartner.

Kindergarten. Time flies.

The emotions are intense over this. My babies will all be my babies. I just am completely overwhelmed with the joy that they have brought to my life. And all the emotion that goes with that.

Then Saturday, our youngest turns three. Again, just the thought gets me choked up.

Being a mom. The most important thing I've ever done with my life.

Hey old friend

It's been awhile. We have been very busy...lots of go go go.

I just started my new job last week, and while it's not what I imagined, I am sticking it through for now. We need me to do so. Hopefully it gets a bit better. It doesn't help much that the boys aren't adjusting well yet to me working full time. They'll get there.

I am currently working on the fitness/health aspect of my 101 goals. We attend the gym about three times a week and have a great program going on. It has helped immensely with energy and just all around feeling better. The weight loss side of it is slow going, but hopefully soon I'll see more results there, too.

It's hard to believe its July already. We have so much to get done before our "busy season" starts in just under two months. And I know it'll go fast. It's a busy, busy summer for us. Or maybe just a busy, busy life.

Onward from here

A lot has happened in the last two weeks. And of course, our final goal of the last 6+ months has been achieved. A year ago, we thought we were going into something completely different than it turned out. We may be back to what looks like where we started, but it's more our restart. We have a whole new outlook now and are working each day towards bettering our lives. Lots of plans ahead!

I will most likely be moving my blog soon, and will update more then.

The end in sight

After a month and a half of hard core stress about the husband's work situation, we FINALLY received good news. We are still in the waiting game, but finally on the happy ending side of it all. It has been almost a year since this madness began. A journey that has brought us closer as a couple, helped us appreciate the little things in life, and shown us what truly matters to our hearts and souls. It is also a journey that has brought back to the "beginning", although for us it's the end of what nearly felt like a nightmare.

"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from."
- T. S. Eliot

Poem morning

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in] by E. E. Cummings : The Poetry Foundation

A month lost

I didn't blog at all in March. Busy is as busy does. And being busy really is just an excuse. A recap would just reveal that while we are closer to the husband's move back date, we really are no closer to knowing exactly what is happening. Many variables are still up in the air. So that leaves us really stressed and a bit scrambling to get it together. Just like we were a year ago as we were still waiting for answers about moving to "Exile" in the first place. It's been a long year, and I really will be ready to put it behind us. Soon. Hopefully.

Starting on myself

I have several of my goals that have to do with my personal well being and spiritual health. I'm beginning on this in March. Starting with setting aside an amount of time as strictly "me time." Eventually this will be working back into meditating. It's a part of pre-baby life that I really miss. That and my yoga. I'm thinking I might start doing an actual yoga class even once the husband is home. I am looking forward to getting my own self back on track.

We're over it

Planning to get the husband home has begun and we are just over it all. So much to do, so little time. It's just exhausting on the brain. It's time for this to be over with.

Going good

Despite the obvious of our family being separated, things really are going well. I'm working quite a bit right now which makes me happy. I've gone out with a friend, have plans to go out soon with my bestie, and hopefully seeing another friend tomorrow as well. I'm currently figuring out school options for our oldest...which is nerve wracking since I almost feel as if I'm behind with how intensive it is finding, enrolling, and being on the lottery for charter schools. Sheesh. But I have my fingers crossed that we may have a big contender that we are touring in a few weeks.

I'm also back on track with working out. My last weight loo regimen didn't go so well as I ended up feeling a bit awful despite weight loss. I've since put that weight back on, all in a matter of a few weeks. So I'm starting again and this round out differently and slowly. Hopefully I can get myself healthy enough as well. I know I am vitamin deficient, so I am starting there and working out with that. I'm noticing the energy boost already and hope I continue to feel better from here our.

Really we are closing out the third month of being back in Vegas. That means only two more months before moving the husband back here. It's coming very fast. Which that, of course, makes me very happy. But we do have so much to do in that short amount of time. Lots of planning ahead. I'm looking forward to getting this all set soon. In fact, having our family whole and together again is the highlight of my year. I truly am excited for that day. I'm glad this year is on the way to being a good one!

I am blessed...

With some amazing friends. I finally got a night out last night. A grown-up out to dinner, a few drinks, and seeing a band play kind of going out night. It was great hanging out with one of my closest friends and just getting to relax. Stress-free. I need more of that. Life gets us all busy, but I do need to try to get together with my friends more. We only live once; we should spend it with the ones that make us laugh. Life's too short to not be happy.

Rough days

I haven't blogged in far too long and it is truly because this time of year sucks.

Yesterday was the four year anniversary of losing Gwyniviere and Onora. And it was a lot harder then I expected. Last year, I actually did okay on their day, but this year I am just a mess. I know it is partly because my husband is still 1200 miles away. It made the day that much harder to get through.

I am still struggling, still grieving. Just as I think I've found peace, I find myself shattered and broken all over again. I know it all is time. I need a jumpstart in the right direction though. I think the time has come about to do something more. Something for the girls. Something that makes a difference for other parents who are going through what we did, for others trying to make sense of TTTS, for other precious babies out there. I have a lot of research and work ahead of me; but hopefully by this time next year, we'll be doing a bit more to help a communities of families who have been through this, too. Its time for the thinking cap and to really start pushing even harder as my daughters' advocate. I've been vocal in making pregnancy and infant loss awareness heard and seen, but I want to be doing even more. I hope to find great ways to start this.

Health

It's becoming more and more evident that I need to find a primary care physician. I'm having more issues with my asthma and with heart palpitations. And then my foot still hasn't healed completely. I'm beginning to feel as if closing in on 30 means falling apart. Again, all the more reason to get into be seen and to have a full work up. The other issue is the weight I've put on in less than a year. It's scary to me. While I have lost some, I am fluctuating back and forth with no big drop in weight recently. I do need to kick up my activity level, but between injuries and other health issues, that nearly becomes impossible.

Yes, I need to start focusing on my own health now.

Life

So much can be said here. Life is an enigmatic mystery that we are all figuring out together and for ourselves.

It's late so I just will leave you with this:

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life — It goes on." - Robert Frost

Renew in Me

I don't doubt my faith.  But like I have posted recently, I need renewal.  I need my soul and spirit to be refreshed and renewed.  

So I started listening to an album that I probably have not touched in almost 10 years.  I truly would not doubt it has been that long.  And while I am not broken down and in pieces in worship, and not necessarily saying I need to be for a refreshing taste of the Spirit.  But I am touched by not only that I still know each and every worship song word for word, but also that I am able to spend this time for myself getting reacquainted with my faith.

So here is where I feel I am at this moment of my life...in the river, praying for renewal and refreshment:

Find me in the river
Find me on my knees
I've walked against the water
Now I'm waiting if you please

We've longed to see the roses
But never felt the thorns
And bought our pretty crowns
But never paid the price

Find me in the river
Find me there
Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare
Even though you're gone and I'm cracked and dry
Find me in the river, I'm waiting here

Find me in the river
Find me on my knees
I've walked against the water
Now I'm waiting if you please

We didn't count on suffering
We didn't count on pain
But if the blessing's in the valley
Then in the river I will wait

A good visit

To the pediatrician, that is.  We were able to discuss our 5 year old's sensory issues, or Sensory Processing Disorder (see: http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/).  He also blew her away with his reading and writing and all around intellectual level.  we discussed that it seems many "high needs" (again see: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/changing-personality-profile-high-need-child-grows) and sensory sensitive children also seem to be the ones who are excelling far beyond their own grade levels (I'm not talking baby geniuses here, but advanced kids nonetheless).  We made a game plan of sticking hard to routine and continuing to work through sensory problems at home, as she doesn't seem him doing well with play therapy because it'll be "beneath" him per se.  So for now, we'll just keep on keeping on with what we are doing and adding in more sensory play throughout our day.  She also got us on a plan to help with the sleep issues for both of the boys.  Crossing my fingers that it helps and we see an improvement there.  I am thoroughly pleased with this doctor and so glad we found her just over a year ago now.  She has been amazing, on the ball, and so informative at every visit.  We are going back in a couple of weeks for the 2 year old well check, too.  I know she'll be just as wonderful then as well.  I am glad we have things set in place now, a diagnosis, and a path set ahead of us for our oldest son.  It feels good hearing someone else also reinforce what we've already been doing.  Its been a pretty darn good day all around.

Immobile

Being a mom of two on the go - go - go boys, it is very hard and very frustrating not being able to get around easily right now.  To add to my foot injury, my knee is now out from being in a bent position so much (from walking with crutches or elevated while sleeping).  Tonight I am in a lot more pain than I was last night.  So much for progress.  Tomorrow I return to work.  I am a bit wary on how this will go, as 99.99% of my day is spent up and walking...usually at a very fast pace.  And carrying items.  All of which I will be incapable of doing while on crutches.  I am hoping that I will be at least on both feet, albeit hobbling probably, by Monday.  This crutches business is for the birds!  I truly don't know how I did this so much as a kid/teenager.  Sheesh.  Of course, I guess I could just use the excuse I was a lot younger and not a parent.  I do know that if this ever happens again, I will be asking for the walking boot or whatever such thing would be available at the time.  I need time off my foot, I know, but now this is just tedious and hard with the boys...making meals, wrangling for bed times or getting out of the house, etc. I need something just a tad easier currently.  Of course, I know this would be different a bit if my husband was able to be home with us.  But then in the end, lets hope I don't do this again.  I really could go the rest of my life without crutches or intense injuries to my feet anymore.  I've had more than my fair share.

Injured

So while out for a walk late Saturday night, I slipped on a rock and injured my foot. After a visit to quick care, at least it wasn't broken...but the sprain is pretty bad. It's put a snag in some plans and other daily activities. I despise crutches and currently that is my mode of transportation. It's tedious, especially as a mom of two boys whose husband is 20 hours away. It's been a long few days...and I know there are several more ahead as well.

Refresh

So while I haven't been to church in quite some time...for many reasons that I do not need to get into on here...I have pulled out some of my worship music and other Christian music cds.  I don't feel all music needs to be Christian music, or anything else in life like that either.  I do feel that we are called to be Christians WITHIN the world around us, not eliminate all things around us to only be Christian and only Christian.  But I digress.  The point is that it really feels like I need to spend sometime on my own spirituality and faith.  I haven't done this is a very long time.  I need the refreshing feeling of this.  I miss singing alone in a room all my own and feeling on a whole different spiritual level, in tune with Yahweh.  I need some time to focus on such things again.  While I've had my reasons, I do feel the need for a renewal, a refresher, of the heart and soul.

"Vacation" is over

We've basically been gone for about a week and a half at my mom's...give or take a day or two. While I know my parents needed the break, today was super crazy having all the kids back together (my nephew and niece plus my two). Space small, too many kids = quick route to headaches. Bed time has been rough tonight, too. Hopefully, we are back in routine FAST. The three of us just function better that way. I barely remember the days of unstructured, no routine days anymore. That all flew out the window with our firstborn who was practically born with a schedule and routine of his own. It's now just a way of life for us. And I actually don't like how it feels without it either...too chaotic and too many tantrums. I prefer the peace that follows after we are in a routine. I guess I need it to thrive as much as they do.

"If Mama's not happy, ain't nobody happy!"

New

New day, new week, new month and new year. Hoping for a great 2012!