What's your conspiracy?

Now I am not meaning really the hardcore, paranoid conspiracy theorists.  But doesn't everyone have something that the question in life, something that might seem "shady?" 

We have been watching the new show, Person of Interest.  And it raises a lot of questions about our post-911 country, maybe world.  But in a different light.  I keep thinking about how some paranoid people, or conspiracy theorists, might have a field day with this show.  But it also brings to the forefront some of the things, mostly from the past, that just make me go "Hmmm..."  There's always something that makes you wonder, isn't there?  Something that intrigues the parts of your brain to want to know more, learn more, educate yourself more.  Isn't that a part of being human, to question and to always be gaining more knowledge about the universe around you? 

So my question to you...What "conspiracy" is ringing the doorbell on your mind? Hmmm...

Miserably sick

...is exactly how I feel.  Its going on two and half days now, and I am not quite seeing the horizon on this yet. Its truly kicking my rear and I just wish I could find some relief.  Our youngest seems to be sick as well, which always breaks my heart when the kiddos are sick.  I hope that is just passes quickly and we can return to regular daily life.  Being sick always puts a halt on everything going on around here, from housework to just daily enjoyment. I can barely move without feeling horrible and miserable.  Rest as much as we can, and hopefully we will be on mend in no time.

Moments like these

I was singing to my kiddo tonight at bedtime when this song came on, and the tears flowed.  Its hits on the heartstrings for many reasons for me:

When I get where I'm going
on the far side of the sky.
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly.

I'm gonna land beside a lion,
and run my fingers through his mane.
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles,
I have carried all these years.
And I'll leave my heart wide open,
I will love and have no fear.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Don't cry for me down here.

I'm gonna walk with my granddaddy,
and he'll match me step for step,
and I'll tell him how I missed him,
every minute since he left.
Then I'll hug his neck.

So much pain and so much darkness,
in this world we stumble through.
All these questions, I can't answer,
so much work to do.

But when I get where I'm going,
and I see my Maker's face.
I'll stand forever in the light,
of His amazing grace.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Oh, when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
Hallelujah!
I will love and have no fear.
When I get where I'm going.
Yeah when I get where I'm going.

Scare

Last night/this morning (not quite sure of the hour), I was woken suddenly by an asthma attack.  And not a small one either.  It was intense and scared me a lot.  I was startled by not being able to breathe and then gasped and wheezed through it.  The part that made it so hard is that I don't wake up well when startled awake.  It takes me some time to come to a full consciousness and completely aware of the reality vs. dreaming.  And I was already in a dreaming sleep, so this made it an scary experience that I really hope I never experience like that again.  Any time I have an attack like that, I also go into panic mode (and vice versa) which causes an anxiety attack.  I am not sure which caused whichlast night, but by the end of it all I realized I had both.  The world closes in on me during both asthma and panic attacks, things go black sometimes and I feel disconnected.  Not something fun at any time of the day but sure as hell not in the middle of the night while asleep. I am hoping for a much better night and an easier sleep.

A day

And that's about all I can say about it. I just have been feeling off the past few days and today I woke up already exhausted.  I am apparently back to not sleeping so well. Its not the insomnia because I can fall asleep just fine, its just not good sleep. Hopefully I can get out of this and back on track soon.  Its hard when all you feel like you need is a full day of sleep, and yet you cannot do that due to obvious parental responsibilities.  I cannot wait to have my support system back.  It really does take a village, I guess.

On the unproductive front, we are caught up and getting caught up on our top two shows. Both shows have so much going on at once - - so dynamic and thought provoking.  They really suck you in.  I should be back into the Best Picture game here in a week or so once we are done with catching up.  Slumdog Millionaire is next on the list.  Again, not really too interest, but it has to be better than The Hurt Locker. Oh how I hope so.

It must be time to head to bed because I completely got distracted and almost didn't finish this. 2 minutes to spare...at least it made it in.

Honesty

Okay, so after four attempts at The Hurt Locker, I just couldn't do it.  I got about halfway through.  I just could not get through how slow it moved and really just not feeling the subject matter.  Other than the extreme realism, I am not sure why it won Best Picture from the Academy.  But then, it wasn't a great year for Best Picture nominees that year either. 

Good news - almost ALL but about 6 Best Picture winners are now available on Netflix.  Including Wings which is the very first winner that I was having a hard time finding. Yay.

I am taking a break from this project though at least for a week or so, as we are trying to catch up on FRINGE. We have six episodes left of season 2 before getting season 3 and then are only a couple episodes behind this season.  With watching 4 episodes a night, we should push through this quite well.  Its such an intriguing, well written show that makes you think while watching it.  I enjoy having to engage my brain while watching television shows and films, instead of the inactive monotony of vegging out.  This goes for all art forms really.

Another month

Yep its October and all that really means is we've been here that much longer than we would like. I never would have expected this move to have affected so many in the way it has, including ourselves.

Video chatted with the besties today. And saying bye tonight hit harder than ever for some reason. There were tears on both sides.  Tears now for that matter.  I have been homesick before, years ago.  But now this just hurts more as it is having an impact upon so many others that we care about.  We are at a point that we are near counting months, weeks, and days until we hope to move back.  We are grateful for what we have, for the help we have received here, but that is all just small aspects of the bigger picture. We are not happy and neither are our friends and family.  Hopefully the next few months fly by fast. I need to see my friends. I need to hug my mom. I need a little bit of home.