Rough days

I haven't blogged in far too long and it is truly because this time of year sucks.

Yesterday was the four year anniversary of losing Gwyniviere and Onora. And it was a lot harder then I expected. Last year, I actually did okay on their day, but this year I am just a mess. I know it is partly because my husband is still 1200 miles away. It made the day that much harder to get through.

I am still struggling, still grieving. Just as I think I've found peace, I find myself shattered and broken all over again. I know it all is time. I need a jumpstart in the right direction though. I think the time has come about to do something more. Something for the girls. Something that makes a difference for other parents who are going through what we did, for others trying to make sense of TTTS, for other precious babies out there. I have a lot of research and work ahead of me; but hopefully by this time next year, we'll be doing a bit more to help a communities of families who have been through this, too. Its time for the thinking cap and to really start pushing even harder as my daughters' advocate. I've been vocal in making pregnancy and infant loss awareness heard and seen, but I want to be doing even more. I hope to find great ways to start this.