A month lost

I didn't blog at all in March. Busy is as busy does. And being busy really is just an excuse. A recap would just reveal that while we are closer to the husband's move back date, we really are no closer to knowing exactly what is happening. Many variables are still up in the air. So that leaves us really stressed and a bit scrambling to get it together. Just like we were a year ago as we were still waiting for answers about moving to "Exile" in the first place. It's been a long year, and I really will be ready to put it behind us. Soon. Hopefully.

Starting on myself

I have several of my goals that have to do with my personal well being and spiritual health. I'm beginning on this in March. Starting with setting aside an amount of time as strictly "me time." Eventually this will be working back into meditating. It's a part of pre-baby life that I really miss. That and my yoga. I'm thinking I might start doing an actual yoga class even once the husband is home. I am looking forward to getting my own self back on track.

We're over it

Planning to get the husband home has begun and we are just over it all. So much to do, so little time. It's just exhausting on the brain. It's time for this to be over with.

Going good

Despite the obvious of our family being separated, things really are going well. I'm working quite a bit right now which makes me happy. I've gone out with a friend, have plans to go out soon with my bestie, and hopefully seeing another friend tomorrow as well. I'm currently figuring out school options for our oldest...which is nerve wracking since I almost feel as if I'm behind with how intensive it is finding, enrolling, and being on the lottery for charter schools. Sheesh. But I have my fingers crossed that we may have a big contender that we are touring in a few weeks.

I'm also back on track with working out. My last weight loo regimen didn't go so well as I ended up feeling a bit awful despite weight loss. I've since put that weight back on, all in a matter of a few weeks. So I'm starting again and this round out differently and slowly. Hopefully I can get myself healthy enough as well. I know I am vitamin deficient, so I am starting there and working out with that. I'm noticing the energy boost already and hope I continue to feel better from here our.

Really we are closing out the third month of being back in Vegas. That means only two more months before moving the husband back here. It's coming very fast. Which that, of course, makes me very happy. But we do have so much to do in that short amount of time. Lots of planning ahead. I'm looking forward to getting this all set soon. In fact, having our family whole and together again is the highlight of my year. I truly am excited for that day. I'm glad this year is on the way to being a good one!

I am blessed...

With some amazing friends. I finally got a night out last night. A grown-up out to dinner, a few drinks, and seeing a band play kind of going out night. It was great hanging out with one of my closest friends and just getting to relax. Stress-free. I need more of that. Life gets us all busy, but I do need to try to get together with my friends more. We only live once; we should spend it with the ones that make us laugh. Life's too short to not be happy.

Rough days

I haven't blogged in far too long and it is truly because this time of year sucks.

Yesterday was the four year anniversary of losing Gwyniviere and Onora. And it was a lot harder then I expected. Last year, I actually did okay on their day, but this year I am just a mess. I know it is partly because my husband is still 1200 miles away. It made the day that much harder to get through.

I am still struggling, still grieving. Just as I think I've found peace, I find myself shattered and broken all over again. I know it all is time. I need a jumpstart in the right direction though. I think the time has come about to do something more. Something for the girls. Something that makes a difference for other parents who are going through what we did, for others trying to make sense of TTTS, for other precious babies out there. I have a lot of research and work ahead of me; but hopefully by this time next year, we'll be doing a bit more to help a communities of families who have been through this, too. Its time for the thinking cap and to really start pushing even harder as my daughters' advocate. I've been vocal in making pregnancy and infant loss awareness heard and seen, but I want to be doing even more. I hope to find great ways to start this.

Health

It's becoming more and more evident that I need to find a primary care physician. I'm having more issues with my asthma and with heart palpitations. And then my foot still hasn't healed completely. I'm beginning to feel as if closing in on 30 means falling apart. Again, all the more reason to get into be seen and to have a full work up. The other issue is the weight I've put on in less than a year. It's scary to me. While I have lost some, I am fluctuating back and forth with no big drop in weight recently. I do need to kick up my activity level, but between injuries and other health issues, that nearly becomes impossible.

Yes, I need to start focusing on my own health now.